Wednesday, June 7, 2017

On fire!

Usually,  when we refer to someone being on fire during a sport or some type of competition, we mean that they are on point, and are doing a great job. The only other time we use the phrase is when literally speaking of something or sometimes someone being set on fire. This post has nothing to do with either any one of those. Although no one can imagine what it feels to be set on fire, unless one has been set on fire, having gone through that sensation, I can say that I have an idea of what it feels like.   For the past several years I have gone back and forth through two types of  burning sensations. One of those sensations is a feeling of being burned by flames, while the other is an ice picking pain that burns and stings at the same time and comes without warning, and at different points in time. Both causing a sense of terror inside me that have me wondering whether I am slowly dying.

I will never forget the time that I felt as though a fire was burning me. I had woken up to get the kids ready for school with an unbearable headache. As I stood in front of the girls' bed, I woke them up and got them out of bed only to lie down in it myself. My head throbbed and burned. I felt as though my brain was on fire. I could not do much except lie there in pain. I told my husband my symptoms, and he gave me either Sudafed or something like it that put me to sleep. This lasted for several days, and I was in bed the whole time.  This feeling of my brain being on fire happened again a month after and it soon became a monthly occurrence. And then, one day, it had decided to spread over my body.

My right hip, I stared at it, as it felt as though someone was inside my body and took an iron and pressed it against my hip. Again I was bewildered but kept my composure. I tried to calm my worries by not letting it get to me. I realized that something was happening to my body without knowing what it was. I did not want to alarm my husband nor my family so I did not disclose this new symptom that my body was creating to what seemed to me a long list of symptoms. And told myself that if I went to a doctor that they would be unable to help and say that it was all part of my anxiety. Which eventually I did and was placed on some more anxiety medicines. I began to take amitriptyline along with Lexapro. Yet I was still experiencing all the neurological symptoms, and now these weird sensations in my skin that doctors said were caused by anxiety but were not being relieved by the prescriptions. This burning that permeated throughout my body internally was random and burned whenever and wherever.

Not long after that sensation, I began to experience yet another different type of being on fire. This one was a bit more complex, and for the longest time did not know how to explain it to my husband until I studied the symptoms of CIRS, but it was just as painful as the prior feeling. Just as the previous sensation, I experienced the ice picking pain burning and stinging me internally. I cannot remember the exact date, but I remember being in the kitchen washing dishes and suddenly feeling the sensation you get when you have been sitting out in freezing temperatures for hours, or when you have been holding ice too long. Internally, my pinky felt as though someone was holding ice to it and immediately the ice began to pick at my pinky causing it to burn and sting. The sensation lasted for about fifteen to twenty seconds.

 Bewildered, I stood there trying to figure out what could have caused it and understand what was happening with my body. Before this, I had been speaking to my sisters about my neurological issues. They were adamantly searching for answers with me. During this time I was taking medicine for anxiety, Lexapro. This was doing wonders for my breathing and my chest pain. But had done nothing for my tingling, and dizziness. And now I had another symptom to worry about. This ice picking pain that burned and stung my pinky, fingers, legs, arms, and eventually every part of my body imaginable began to occur frequently. I can't say how frequent but I can say it was enough during the day that it stopped me mid track during my everyday tasks until it subsided and I could go on.

From headaches that made me feel as if my head is on fire and sensations of every part of my body being burned to the ice picking pain that burns and stings my extremities, I go back and forth in this never-ending torture chamber that does not cease, and leaves me desiring nothing more than to be rid of it- no matter how. But strive to live no matter the pain. And the good days make it better.


No comments:

Post a Comment